“Change Your Perspective-Make a Flower Flourish”

Sweethearts and Heroes1

By: Tom Murphy, Sweethearts and Heroes

 

“Know your response ahead of time.” When faced with a student or even an adult in crisis, it’s knowing your response ahead of time that can make all the difference.   This may sound like a near impossible expectation, however, we

can rephrase the concept and at the same time, apply button number one of the five “Bully Buttons” that are explained in the Sweethearts and Heroes presentation system, namely, the “Perspective Button”, to make this concept more understandable and attainable. In this regard we would say: “know your perspective ahead of time, before you give a response to someone in crisis.”

 

In everything we do perspective can make all the difference. Ones perspective on something can allow the achievement of glorious success or in the alternative, devastating failure. We all are aware that we can’t read minds or look into the future, but we can train ourselves to respond appropriately to any given crisis, just by adjusting our perspective. Every situation is unique. Having an action plan in place can make the difference between being a #Sweetheart (carrier of HOPE) or #Hero (someone that ‘Jumps into Action’).

 

So let’s make a shift in your perspective now by addressing the following questions. What does every human need or want? How does this connect to behavior? Knowing the root or purpose of every behavior would be quite helpful in our everyday interactions, don’t you think? We have come to learn through our daily experiences, that every person has two basic needs. By embracing this concept, personally, I have allowed it to make me a better teacher, coach, father, and husband! The two basic needs for any human in a social setting are the feelings of having “significance” and “acceptance”. The desire to feel significant seems like it would be second nature to us all, but often, we often fail to realize or make the connection that at the heart of many behaviors, is the desire to feel important and simply be noticed. The second basic need and motivating force controlling ones behavior in a social setting, is the desire to feel accepted and or have a sense of belonging.

 

Now, in applying how these needs come into play when we take a look at why someone may do “mean things” or “bully”, we can see that such individual is not considering the effects they will have on their target, rather their focus or consideration is on the audience around them and the attention or feelings of importance they may receive or draw from that audience. Often, after an incident, you may hear a bully confess that they didn’t really think or take into consideration the feelings or impact of their actions on the target, as they were too consumed with their own feelings of worth or significance drawn from the audience.

 

Now to shift perspective one more notch and why we believe Sweethearts and Heroes is an essential message for every school and community, consider this. Most people can agree that in every school and community across America, there are hundreds of thousands of young men and women that want to feel “significant” and “accepted.” However, equally important, is that we recognize the fact that many or a majority of these kids actually feel “INSIGNIFICANT” and “ALIENATED”. In this regard, they don’t even consider themselves to be at ground zero, rather they are socially interacting on a daily basis with feelings of being below zero.   Without pointing out this perspective, most people, neglect to recognize that these feeling exist. Not many would disagree that a major part of an adolescences’ life is dealing with insecurities and self doubt. During this time when kids are learning or navigating the difficult course of developing self esteem among their peers, feelings of insignificance or alienation during the course of an average day, week or month, on top of any other family relationships, or other environmental chaos, can only make things worse. It is an easy concept to grasp, but only after the obvious is pointed out to you, do you change your perspective to consider it.

 

So, how do you respond to a student in crisis?  How do you deal with a student who is just plain rotten to other students? How do you deal with a child that is sad? How do you help someone making destructive decisions? Use the perspective addressed above on feelings of “significance” and “acceptance”. Make that individual feel important, let them know you are there for them. Take actions to prove they matter and follow up to show them you have their back. Make little differences in their routines that allow them to feel they are included. Sweethearts and Heroes believes and has obtained amazing results with employing these consistent actions. Simply put, “watering that flower regularly, with consistent sprinkles and sunshine, is better than flooding the roots once or twice a week.”

Website:    www.sweetheartsandheroes.org

Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/sweetheartsandheroes?ref=hl

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  • Posted 9 years ago

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